I Hear The Call 

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***Listen to the audio for a real feel of my meaning. ***

By Esra 

I can sit here and give a million and one reasons why it’s been months since you have had the pleasure of glimpsing into my exciting thoughts. The bottom line is life happens, but this strong headed bull doesn’t back down from a commitment made even if it takes me longer then I prefer. It’s so tempting to give up sometimes, life keeps pushing you down, and you just start to feel like what’s the point? How much more can I handle? So many questions and doubts we have every day, but we gotta keep pushing, gotta keep coming back. 
This blog is a little different than my norm. A glimpse into my spiritual mind and troubles of the heart. An overview of the struggles we all face, questions we all have, with only one way to turn. 

Ever wake up one day and just think what the heck am I even doing? Life is on repeat, and this dream of happiness becomes nothing but that; a dream. You feel like you have nowhere to turn, alone in a world full of people, the darkness overtaking and you can’t seem to find the light. It’s like you have one good day and then ten bad follow. Hope is lost as we unsuccessfully try to attain the earthly pleasures in a temporary world where everything at a single command; destructed. You start to think, no one knows or hears your desperate calls. But HE does. He hears the Call. 
“And if my servant asks you about me then I am near, I HEAR THE CALL of the caller when he calls upon me.”

This verse plays a constant reminder in moments where that little slither of doubt creeps into my heart. The many times I ask myself is he even listening? Here I am sitting, calling on him day in and day out; HE tells me he hears and answers but I’m not seeing. I’m narrow-minded in my clouded need, focused on the one thing I’m seeking… blind to the blessings seeping. I sit up at night, and I think of all the things missing, all the things I want to make me “happy,” finally. I’m forgetting the roof over my head, my beautiful parents sleeping next door and the warm blankets surrounding me. None of that matters or even crosses my mind as I cry over a broken heart from a fairytale love ungranted. Or as I sit and complain about the new job I wasn’t appointed. God doesn’t want good for me, Everything that makes me happy, taken! I prayed for this, and he ain’t even answering… He tells me “I say be and it shall” So why is it when I’m calling, it’s not happening? What am I doing wrong? Does God even love me? Is he even listening…
It’s that constant mantra in our minds. We want everything now, at a touch of a finger the world is at your command. Were spoiled rotten, we no longer even know what real happiness is in a world so shallow fast-paced and flawed. 
A constant struggle of the mind, a doubting fault in the heart. We are tying our reality of happiness to a fleeting world that soon will end. We, The human, impatient and ungrateful in time of need, prideful and dismissive in moments of success. We return to HIM when things are going wrong, forgetful when everything is going right. Then we have the nerve to be demanding and impatient when last week HE wasn’t even on our mind or sight. 
When you’re raising your hand, and you pray with all your heart because you’re in a desperate moment and nothing seems to be going right. The doubt begins to build in your heart as you come back after so much time apart. You question your self; why does it take a fall for me to turn back? Why does a calamity hit, before I remember your might! 

A hidden beauty and blessing within it all. If tragedy needs to fall for the time stop passing before you knell to HIM, dropping that forehead to the ground, then HE’s saving your life. 
He gives us a simple command to worship and trust. Guaranteeing a reward of the happiness we seek, in a dimension that’s far more pleasing. Maybe that fairytale love wasn’t answered because another one is calling. Open your heart, and you will feel it, an eternal relationship of love between the creator and creation. When that foundation is built maybe then you will find it; that earthly love, that will never replace it. 
Remember the nights and days you stayed up stressing, time went wasted only to miss it. The one opportunity you were always seeking, slipping through your fingers. Everything was going so well, just to diminish. You were on top of the world, untouchable, soon everything is destructed. Where did it go wrong? It cant be all the prayers you pushed aside as you made time for temporary fame, money, and glory. It cant be that you forgot who grants that sustenance. Nah, it was all you. You then want to blame HIM for your low times and failure when you don’t even remember HIM during your high time and success? Well, hello reality check. 
Those internal struggles, aches, and tears that keep you up all night he knows, he hears every single one. Filled with shame and guilt, we struggle to turn back in these times of need, remembering all the days we turned away. Everything was going right, and we strayed, and now when we are weak, we seek. Will he accept? The one whose mercy outweighs his anger, the one who is closer to you than your jugular vein, is waiting. Just call, and he hears, he answers. The answer may not come in the form you wanted or fast enough, but trust that He who created you knows what is best for you. Is it possible that what you deserve is beyond the realm of this world waiting for you in an eternal heaven? 
Every second of hardship or pain felt on this earth is forgiveness on a day where you stand before your Him with no barriers. Every struggle to remain affirmed on His path no matter the obstacles, leads straightway into His garden. Every time you trusted His plan leads you to that moment where you stand before Him, the majestic throne in sight. The call has been heard and answered.